Thoughts

I Trust You

July 17, 2017

“I trust you.”

Those words, so sincere, caught me off guard. A pair of wide, fearful eyes fixed on me as I carefully scanned a medication to give to one of my patients. It came in a syringe attached to a long needle and though I tried to keep it out of her sight, she was not relishing the idea of getting a big shot. I could hardly blame her, but as I explained the benefits of the medication and tried to put her fears at ease (I’ve given lots of shots like this and the worst part about it is dreading it), she was still nervous. She needed a medicine called betamethasone for the two beautiful babies kicking around in her body. Those babies needed to stay in their mama longer, but her body was beginning to give signs that it was ready for them to come out. Anticipating an early delivery, this medicine would help those tiny baby lungs to mature and be able to handle the pressure of the world should they transition into it before they were fully ready.

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I felt a strange sense of responsibility when she uttered those words of trust. I am always responsible for my actions and I feel that weight daily at my job, but this was different. Mulling over her response, I realized again this truth:

As a nurse, I am trusted almost automatically. Is it my badge and blue scrubs that gives me this trust? Is it the warm and friendly manner with which I strive to care for them? Regardless, when my patients see me as trustworthy, I am invited, without question, into the deepest parts of who people are. I am swept into their stories of joy, loss, grief, physical and emotional pain, anxiety, pride, and love as I care for them. They feel open to speak with me about things they might never tell even their loved ones because I am their nurse, I am safe.

They ask me questions and they want to know everything I can tell them about first their labor and what happens when they deliver a baby, then how to take care of their baby. They want to know that their baby is okay, that their symptoms are normal, and that they are doing a wonderful job as a new parent. Sometimes I can calm their fears and assure them that they are doing fine, other times, as much as I hate bearing bad news, I must tell them that everything is not okay. So many emotions. So many tears of joy and tears of frustration and tears of feeling inadequate. It’s a vulnerable, intimate relationship that springs up quickly. Though exhausting at times, it reminds me again why I love my job and what a privilege it is to be a nurse.

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After a little pinch, the needle was all over and done with. My patient breathed a sigh of relief and hoped the worst was over. Though she went home that night, her words of trust lingered with me still.

“I trust you.”

Oh to strive all the more to be worthy of that trust.

My Bucket List

A list of things I want to do someday…

May 21, 2017

Backpack to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and camp there overnight 

Learn how to kite surf

Bike the Dairyland Dare 

Have a high tea in London

Epic kayak + camping trip (like, out in the boonies y’all) 

Learn how to play the guitar

Join a choir

Learn how to swing dance

Go on a snowmobile trip

Catch a baby 

Attend an AWHONN conference

Go to a naturopathic conference

Go on a road trip from the east coast or west coast (or vice-versa) 

Run a Tough Mudder

Nail the technique for parallel parking

Sip tea at the White Sands Hotel in Prince Edward Island

Run on a horizontal airport escalator

Be totally and completely immersed in Hispanic culture for a short amount of time, forcing me to speak only Spanish

Skydive

Sew a log cabin quilt

Climb a 5.12 grade wall (rock climbers, you’ll know what I’m talking about)

Sleep outside under a canopy of stars

Make my own kefir, kombucha, and red-raspberry leaf tea 

Plant a garden

Convince my older brother to like coffee

Win a watermelon-seed-spitting contest

Jump in a body of icy waters in the middle of a Minnesota winter

Play tag on top a bunch of hay bales without breaking my neck  

Eat a worm

Experience the Northern Lights

See Carrie Underwood live in concert

Learn the art of hammocking

…..more to come with inspiration!

Thoughts

Oh, the Great Love of Jesus!

February 24, 2017

I don’t know why, but many times as I drive home from work, I find that as my brain is happily spent from practicality, medications, therapies, responsibilities and plan ‘ole adulting, my mind soars to creative, imaginative, inspired and enthralled places. In other words, I often find myself in a beautiful bliss of musings. This in turn sometimes inspires the desire to write…. .using words to form sentences to somehow, somewhat coherently communicate what I’m thinking. Other times I end up at the piano, feverishly composing a song and finding notes and words to express the simmerings of my heart. Other times in a bubbly daze of jazz and country bliss, I immerse myself in the delights of the language of dance – two step, lindy hop, east coast, charleston, or my own half-ballet-half-random-leaping-around-the-living-room variation. And, quite honestly, other times I sit with a glazed expression staring at silly YouTube videos long past my bedtime. Because you know, even creative juices have their ebbs and flows, haha.

But you know? Today is a day to write. Nestled comfortably on my couch with protein pancakes in my tummy and a view of the looming, overcast sky which threatens to break forth, dumping its flaky contents any minute…before I take my makeup off and swallow a melatonin to help me sleep, I must tell you about my thoughts. More importantly, about Jesus and the blessed reminder of His unimaginable love for me.

Let me first back up to last night when I watched a movie with my dad and brothers called Risen. Perhaps you’ve seen it. I had to leave for work before it finished, but the movie struck me powerfully. The setting began shortly after Jesus’ death and focused in on the life of a Roman general. As more of the story unraveled, it seemed to reach a climax in a scene where the resurrected Jesus was sitting with His disciples in an upper room of a house. As He conversed with them, He took one of their hands and gently placed it over the wounds in His hands and His side, inflicted on Him at His crucifixion.

Friends, this agonizing, excruciating proof of unimaginable suffering is a reflection of love so great and so powerful that not even death could stop or break it. Jesus, fully man and fully God, exemplified the power of the cross, the brilliance of His purity standing in stark contrast to our sins and in turn imputing to us the eternal gift of salvation. It was a breathtaking picture and I got cold chills as I realized that someday I will be able to do that very thing.

….I will touch His scars that He endured for the salvation of His sheep…of me.

Words cannot begin to describe the emotion, joy, awe, and power we will experience as all of his people will spend eternity with Him.

Eternity with Him! Let that sink in for a moment!

Driving on my way into work, I felt an intense longing, a burning for heavenly things, knowing that a place has been prepared for me. Basking in the reality of His nearness, I felt such a wonderful peace – a gracious reminder of the inseparable, life-changing grace of God as I am utterly lost in love with my Savior, my Shepherd, my King, my Lord…in love because He first loved me and He has drawn me to Himself, woos me, won me permanently to be His own. I can celebrate this truth every moment of every day because He reigns!

So this morning, I felt as if my Bible reading couldn’t have been more timely as I read the following passage from 2 Corinthians 5:1-8,

“For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”

If you don’t know Jesus personally as your Lord and Savior, I entreat you to invite Him into your heart and accept Him as your Lord. Believe in the gospel – that we are all sinners in need of a Savior and can only come to God through Jesus Christ, covered in His righteousness alone. There is no adventure worthy of comparison to living fully in Him. 

Well, my dear friends, though I wish to tarry and write more, the clock hurries me along and into bed, for another night shift awaits when I wake up. Until next time!